This isn’t book related, but at the end of the year and the holidays, my mind is racing and it is full and I’m just overwhelmed and exhausted.
I don’t care for the holidays, at all. I’ve made that clear before. The past few days with it being closer to Christmas, has been mentally straining on myself. The weekend was so bad that I imagined a what if scenario that caused me to cry, again. There are no evidence to support this what if scenario that my anxiety ridden brain concocted, but my walls were down and I couldn’t stop it and I cried.
A couple of years ago, my grandfather passed away. It was coming, but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. For a while, I felt a lot of guilt of not seeing him before he passed away. So, that’s one reason I hate the holidays. It’s so different when you lost someone, so the holidays are not always as joyous as everybody tries to make it to be. I don’t think there is much meaning anymore either, but that’s a whole other opinion.
I do speak to a counselor online. I have been for over a year now. She has been so helpful and it’s nice to know that I can message her whenever I need to during the days and nights. If you haven’t heard of them, betterhelp.com is a really great place to speak to someone online if you are like me and cannot get away to speak to someone in person. Check them out. They have different payment plans and different specialists for different needs.
I won’t say that 2020 will be a good year. It’ll be a better year. I’ve had ups and downs throughout 2019, but in my opinion, it was mostly ups. I can’t cure my anxiety and depression – I wish I could and I can’t cure my overthinking. Those will happen, but what matters is going through it rather than avoid it and shut down.
Instead of making resolutions, I’m going to be better at keeping a routine that is better for my physical and mental health. I gotten into scripting and practicing Laws of Attraction. So, I need to make that a morning routine and keep it that way. I am setting writing goals rather than reading goals – I’ll still read, of course I will. Books are a part of me, and also a part of my therapy.
I’m going to be better at keeping routines that are good for me. That’s what I want to do. I want to throw out that to anybody who doesn’t care for the holidays for whatever reason, you’re so not alone there. It’ll be over soon. Thank God it’s only once a year!